this is one of those nights where I miss college just because at college I could be getting ready for a drunken party right now and instead I’m sitting around having a Law & Order: SVU marathon and the episodes keep making me cry
Always on. Needs to connect to internet or can’t play games (every 24 hours).
Block used games.
Paying FULL PRICE ($60) used game fee.
No backwards Compatibility.
Xbox One has non-replaceable hard drive.
Mandatory game installs.
Controller needs AA batteries
Paid clappers at console reveal.
All-in-one home entertainment device. Requires extra device to use TV function that was heavily promoted during reveal.
Make it stop.
Its making me hate what I loved.
AHAAHAH! Excuse me while I give myself an asthma attack from laughing.
Know why I don’t want always on? BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PLAY MY GAMES EVEN IF I DON’T HAVE THE INTERNET.
The fuck is this controller that needs AA batteries? REALLY? Guys, guys… Microsoft… This is 2013. TWENTY. THIRTEEN.
The only things that need AA batteries and the like are vibrators. And even then if it needs batteries it’s a cheap fucking toy. (Oh, look, I made a pun!)
Non-replaceable HD? REALLY? Are you sure you want to go down that route? HD are kinda fickle. The last three computers I’ve had, every single one of them has needed a replacement hard drive.
Also, all-in-one needs an extra device to be really all-in-one? Does this not remind people of the battle between Microsoft and Sony for the Blu Ray Disc versus HD Disc? Because it reminds ME. If anyone doesn’t remember, Microsoft lost because you had to buy an accessory in order to watch HD discs on your Xbox 360 while Sony just packaged it all up and said ‘hey, it plays Bluray games so it’ll play bluray movies AND dvds’ and lo and behold the consumers went ‘I can play games on this AND watch movies and I don’t need to buy an extra thing? I HEART THAT’.
Guess how I managed to convince my mother to buy me my PS2 (god, that’s 11 years ago now) for my 15th birthday? It was that transitory period where DVDs were systematically annihilating the video tape and the PS2 not only played games, it’s was a DVD player as well! AMAZING.
Part of the reason I bought the PS3 (asides from Final Fantasy XIII and Silent Hill) was the fact that it was also a bluray player. Even if it does have really awful sound if you don’t have a speaker set up.
I know companies are all ‘ALWAYS ON IS GOOD FOR YOU’ but I had a friend move out of home for the first time recently and she was without internet for a month and a half or something. All her Steam and Origin games stopped working within the fortnight (for you yanks, that means two weeks) and she was left to play games that didn’t require you to be reassuring the publisher that you were playing it.
Know why I STILL haven’t bought Diablo-whatever-the-fucking-number-it-is now? BECAUSE IT WANTS ME TO BE ONLINE ALL THE TIME, REASSURING THE PUBLISHER THAT I LOVE IT.
I have a lot of games on my shelf that I have bought brand new but there’s a sizeable collection of second-hand games as well. Only those second hand games tend to the first of a series. If it’s an ongoing franchise and they’re releasing a new game, I will spend $60 (HAH! HAAAAH! Closer to $100 in Australia) on that damned game because I want to support the devs.
But I will be fucking spiteful and refuse to buy a game (or system) if I have issues with its publication.
Know what game I was really really looking forward to once? Know why I bought a fucking Wii (the most useless system in the history of useless systems)? Fatal Frame 4. I have every game up until it was sold to Nintendo and I bought the Wii instead of a PS3 because I was led to believe it would be released outside of Japan.
…it wasn’t. I turned around and took the Wii back and bought a PS3 instead. Because at least that had Final Fantasy XIII. (Also, the Wii had a FF Crystal shitsomethingorother that was HORRENDOUS. Like, I can’t even explain how shit that fucking game was. I bought it, tried to play it for a day or so and then turned around and got my money back. The graphics were awfully pretty but the controls were pffffffffsh. Like, it’s making me angry just thinking about it.) AND it could play bluray discs, so win-win.
I am really hoping Sony doesn’t do this (it’s gonna do always-on, I know it and that stupid social networking bullshit… argh. I DON’T NEED SOCIAL NETWORKING WHILE I’M KILLING BRIGHTLY COLOURED FANTASY MONSTERS. NO. OR CUTTING OFF THE LIMBS OF NECROMORPHS! NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT I’M PLAYING BUT ME.) but I don’t hold out much hope.
So, that made me really angry and I’m going to go to bed now. Sorry Luca for that rant.
Don’t be sorry for your rant! Be angry! Be very angry! Be downright fruminous about this!
I miss the time when a games console was a games console, and that was it - you got what you freaking wanted and when you bought a game there was some mystery - you didn’t know what you were getting! Gump said it best; Life is like a box of chocolates!
I don’t want to use my console to play a game that I know too much about while watching television - I have a television for watching television with its stupid bloody reality television and muckrake journalism. I have a computer to use Skype too - and I have no problems with that. Also, Microsoft wants to watch you. They want to watch you masturbate - the Kinect 2.0 never turns off, and the damned console has to check if its online once a day - so, no matter what you spin it as, ITS AN ALWAYS ONLINE CONSOLE. THANK YOU ADAM FUCKING ORTH.
Also - I don’t care about your little dog in Call of Dookie - I can see what you’re going to do to the poor thing - you’re going to kill it halfway through the campaign to evoke an emotional response from the players while a trumpet plays so mournfully it makes a weeping willow cut itself! I CAN SEE THE WRITING ON THE WALL. Why did you tell us this fact - you should’ve kept it a surprise! Now we can see it all coming.
I’m going to agree with another one of my friends here - he and I want to watch Microsoft backpedal! We want to watch them backpedal so fucking hard they complete the Tour De France eight times consecutively in reverse, getting back to the start by circling the planet!
AND THIS JUST IN: They won’t let Independent gamers self publish. HOW’S THAT INCLUSIVE CUSTOMER-CENTRIC APPROACH YOU KEPT PARROTING ON ABOUT GOING?
ALL THROUGHOUT THAT CONFERENCE I JUST WANTED REGGIE FILS-AIME, SHIGERU MIYAMOTO AND CLIFF BLEZINSKI TO BURST THROUGH THE SCREENS GODZILLA STYLE AND WRECK THEIR SHIT.
IN OTHER NEWS I have a 3DS. I am playing Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate! It is FUCKING AWESOME because I knew nothing about it going in, and my sense of wonder was OVERWHELMING. I knew NOTHING about Monster Hunter, except that it existed and that people liked playing it. At work, my buddies pressured me into buying a NINTENDO THREE DEE ESS so I could play with them after work together to attack big monsters the likes of which keep me on my toes.
I keep the 3D turned off because it gives me a slight headache, but the game is FUCKING AWESOME.
That I want Anne Hathaway to boldly announce, whenever she leaves a public venue, “ANNE HATH-AWAAAAAAAAY!”
Has anyone made a videogame where you’re a princess locked at the top of a tower and have to fight your way down to ground level? Because dang.
Like, think about it: you’re given this nice little room and no objectives at all and when you open the door the guard says ‘stay in there’ so you wait and nothing happens and you open the door again and try and walk out and the guard pushes you back in and says things like ‘you’re our prisoner’ and ‘where are you going, you’re stuck here’ and ‘are you trying to meet your prince? he won’t ever get up THIS high’ and ‘get back inside before I get mad’. But you can pick up a vase of flowers, and you can swing it around. And the thing is all the guards are expecting the hero to be battling his way up, and all this one wimpy little guard at the top is posted to your room for is to push you back into your room, so you can smash him over the head because he’s just not expecting it, and then steal his weapons. And after that you find that the guards are always bigger and stronger than you—and they get bigger and stronger every level down—but you can generally manage to get the first shot in because they’re waiting for the hero, and you’re the princess. And maybe there’s puzzles and stuff too, but you have to solve them backwards, working your way along from end to start, because they’re all set up for the hero. And when you get the bottom and you have the fight of your life because the guards are massed up waiting for the hero, tons of them with awesome weapons and armor and spells and you think it’s the boss battle, but when they’re all dead and the final ground-level door is free to open the credits don’t roll. And you realize there must be one more fight outside the doors, too, before you’re free, so you equip the best armor and weapons and potions you can find and go outside and you fight this one huge lone badass man on a badass horse in the sunlight. Then he’s finally defeated, and lying in the grass, and his horse is yours, and the credits still aren’t rolling. And you look at his corpse and you see he’s got a locket on, and in that locket is a picture of your face.
And then you realize that that was the hero.
And then the credits roll.
Well, it’s not exact, but it’s got a chunk of that stuff. The closest I’ve ever seen, anyways.
(I am working a morning shift at a cafe. We are serving breakfast. A little boy and his mother enter the cafe.)
Me: “So, what will it be?”
Child: “I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.”
(There is a sudden silence and everyone turns to look. The mother looks very embarrassed.)
Mother: “Eggs… he would like some eggs…”